Sandpaper

To you ever remember the time, when shortly after you just started your first 'real' job (you know, your first job in an office, or perhaps a lovely cubicle) that, while sitting in the company bathroom you realize, "Wow, I am getting paid for this!" I remember the exact moment, place (obviously), and time when I first had that realization. It was amazing, just 2 months earlier, while still in college, I often had to request permission to exit for some "alone time" yet, here I was, a working man, getting paid with each glorious moment that passed as I sat there. This realization set off an irreversible chain of events that have, at one point or another, impacted many aspects of my life.

The first thing I had to do was to reset my schedule. No more of this pre-breakfast or before-bed routine for me. I needed to make sure my body was ready for action somewhere between 9am-5pm. This only took a few squirmy days to reset my system but it was well worth it! The money saved on toilet paper alone will probably help me retire a year earlier!

Yep, it did not take me long to realize that this was a key benefit to being a working man! In fact, I placed this priviledge right up there with the other benefits such as the 4o1k, pension plans, and health insurance! Heck, I did not even mind the big ol' reservoir engineers that went in there every day and did historical reinactments of the bombing of Hiroshima. It did not matter because I was getting paid to be there (roughly speaking, assuming a 5min "job", take your yearly salary and drop the last 3 digits. Take the number left over and divide by 25 - that is what you got paid to go to the bathroom on company time!)

After working for a while, I got my first raise. You can only imagine my exitement while shortly after while I was reflecting upon this news in my favorite stall that I realized that today, my crap was more valuable to the company than the day before! My diet had not changed, so why had my boss suddenly placed a higher value on it? (And I know it was not because I was stomping my foot with a wide stance in a public bathroom in Minnesota...these were simpler times back then!)

As I became more familiar with the lay of the land I became more savvy. I knew where I could find any section of the newspaper sandwiched between the stalls at anytime of day. If I wanted to get caught up on sports, no problem, the sports section could usually be found tucked between the middle and left stall on the 23rd floor sometime after 11:20 - 11:45 am. If I wanted to catch the movie times, that section could be found on floor 18 usually in the afternoon. And if you were lucky, the pages of the newpapers were only slightly wrinkled from the very damp and humid environment that they were so closely exposed to throughout the day.

I also became intune with the cleaner's schedule. The cleaners started at the top floor at around 10am and worked their way down. So, if I I needed a nice clean bathroom, then I could usually calculate exactly which stall would be the cleanest in the building, depending on the time of day. However, this was always the trickiest thing to master. If you got it wrong, you would often find yourself in that awkward situation where the cleaner is waiting outside your stall for you to finish. That can really ruin any exit strategy you might have had before the cleaner arrived. And sometimes the stalls can have very large gaps between the door and the post...so large infact that you sometimes find yourself making eye contact with the cleaner as he is staring intently into the bathroom with his mop in hand, just waiting for you to leave. This often leads to a hasty wipe and uncomfortable grit that can be felt with each step you take for the rest of the day.

So, this was my early professional life. I was regular, I was getting paid, and I no longer had to go through the ritual of spraying deodorizer or lighting a match after I finished my biz-ness in hopes to mask the smell at home before my date arrived.

But as I got older, I found that this daily event no longer gave me the same gratification as before. Instead of revelling in the fact that I was getting paid to be there, I was thinking about all the work that I would have to make up for by taking this little break. And wouldn't I rather take a break at Starbucks, where I could enjoy the aroma of freshly ground coffee beans vs. the aroma of the day-old digested kolaches and donuts? And where is the courtesy flush? In my whole professional career, I have never heard the sweet sound of a courtesy flush.

And then the newspaper began to disappear. Instead it was replaced by printouts from the newspaper's website of just 1 or 2 key articles that the person wanted to read. I noticed that these printouts were neatly folded to fit into his pocket to (presumably) avoid the embarrasment of carrying in the whole newspaper, tucked neatly under his arm into the John. And these printouts were hunting stories!! Well, I sure the heck was not going to read hunting stories and I certainly was NOT going to be the guy bringing the newspaper in with me!

So, my little breaks eventually just turned into a 6 minute ab sessions that took place in a musty, damp, odor that you could not only smell, but taste as well. Sadly, this was still tolerable. However, I have finally reached my last straw...the cheap single ply, hold it up to a light and you can see through it, toilet paper. If you have ever gotten a toilet paper cut on your ass, then you know what I am talking about. It is time to rechange my schedule so I can use my nice double-ply, aloe-injected pillowy soft tissues here at home. The stuff they have at work is made from recycled newspaper-if you look closely I think you can still read the headlines. As I sit here typing I still feel mildly uncomfortable from my earlier wipe using the sandpaper they provide us with at work.

As for running, I ran 6 miles today through the Bois de Boulogne. I was so tired while I was running that there were a few times that I felt like I was going to fall asleep mid-stride! Lucky for me I did not and managed to have the following splits:

7:33/7:19/7:16/7:20/7:21/7:27 min/mile
AVERAGE pace: 7:23 min/mile

Total Weekly miles (so far): ~ 31.3 miles

Tranny count: 1

You boys have yourself a good Friday night!
Je suis fatigue...A+.